Actor Nyaniso Dzedze has shared a very personal account of how he realised just how “dependent” he is on sex as a man and how he was “addicted” to masturbating from the age of 16 until he was 30.
In a detailed Instagram post Dzedze explained that the introspection stemmed from a conversation with his wife about the decrease in the number of the times they have sex.
“We used to have sex at an average of about three times a day. Now it is less and less with every month. We’re going to end up having sex once every two months. I refuse to have that relationship‚” said Dzedze to his wife‚ not too long ago.
Dzedze explained where he thought the dependency men have on sex came from. He said society has instilled a notion that it is only okay for men to express their emotions when having sex as other spaces are considered inappropriate.
“Men allow themselves to cry and release emotions they wouldn’t in any other space or time during sex. So what men have naturally done is place every opportunity to express excitement‚ sadness‚ depression‚ stress‚ grief‚ a rough day through sex. Is it truly a wonder why we sexualize everything all the time? Is it such wonder why we want to have sex all the time? Nope.
“Men don’t just like sex‚ we depend on it. We have come to need it‚ almost as integral as food.”
The actor who recently married the love of his life reflected on his addiction to masturbating.
“I used to jack off tons. I used to jack off lank hard. I used to pretend that I’m sick on Sundays so my mom would leave me at home alone and I would jack off all day (then I’d pray and repent all night before school). More recently I would jack off from Saturday night till Sunday afternoon without a wink of sleep.
“I could literally go days without sleep… just stroking‚ eating‚ pissing‚ shitting and stroking. I did this periodically for years since. I started around 16 till 30. I was an addict.”
Dzedze also opened up about how he’s since rehabilitated himself by dealing with his emotional issues.
The actor said he’s no longer an addict and that he’s learnt to look at women differently and loves differently.
“It was only when I started using emotional tools that addressed the root of my hurt. The more I worked on the heart of the problem‚ the less I needed porn and jacking off to feel better. Since I started moving my inner instability about two and half years ago I must have gone to porn and jacked off a few times rehabilitating but I am not an addict anymore. I don’t need it anymore. I feel different about myself now. I look at women different. I hold women different. I allow myself to love different‚” he said.
View this post on Instagram
* YOUR POWER PRT. 2 Recently on an amazing Facebook group. The question:"DO YOU JACK OFF? If so to porn? And what affect does it have on your life?" Me: I used to jack off tons. I used to jack off lank hard. I used to pretend that I'm sick on sundays so my mom would leave me at home alone and I would jack off all day (then I'd pray and repent all night before school). More recently i would jack of from saturday night till sunday afternoon without a wink of sleep. Screens are addictive enough and the activity will screw with your brain, making you think it doesn't need sleep, now combine that with sex (Porn) and I could litterally go days without sleep… just stroking, eating, pissing shitting, stroking. I did this periodically for years since I started around 16 till 30. I was an addict. I would say I am recovering now. I think I cancelled on friends once or twice in those years to jacking off. I one day (14years later) realized I was dealing with unattended demons (unresolved emotional traumas sitting in me). That I didn't know what esle to do with my unresolved shit except jack off and briefly feel different about them. No amount of being shamed, told "you're throwing your life away", "You're trash", "You're stupid", "you're going to burn in hell" helped change anything. I had said all of that stuff to myself already. All of the shame of hearing it from someone else (whether a priest, friend or coach) only made me feel worse and gave me more of reason to go back to it. It was only when I started using emotional tools that addressed the root of my hurt. The more I worked on the heart of the problem, the less I needed porn and jacking off to feel better. since I started moving my inner instabilty about, two and half years ago I must have gone to porn and jacked off a few times rehabilitating, but I am not an addict anymore… I don't need it anymore. I feel different about muself now. I look at women different. I hold women different. I allow myself to love different. Porn and jacking off is a crutch. the actual issue is what its helping you feel less traumer around. It's the same as any other addiction or crutch I've come to find. We pacify.